A taste of home

Ah the Minogues; they've really blossomed since leaving Australia. I know many of you would like to see what's on page 3, but I've deemed it a bit too rude. I'm sure google will find her for you though - try searching on "Dannii Minogue nude breasts xxx porn". That should do it.

An update on activities since last post (which was some time ago now; my apologies) :

• If today's weather is anything to go by, summer appears to be over. That's ok - I don't feel quite so bad about still being injured (previous post).


• Notting Hill carnival this weekend - biggest street festival in Europe apparently. That should sort out my ankle nicely.
  


• Saw the World Press Photo exhibition at Royal Festival Hall yesterday. Brilliant.
  


• Just heading off to the pub to watch England v Germany. It's only a friendly though, so I'm sure there'll only be a moderate amount of violence.
  

London!

We're back in London!..Beijing was great fun, but when we arrived at Heathrow to blue skies & could see further than 500m, Beijing's pollution problems really struck home. Even the air being pushed down the platform by the oncoming train at Holborn station smelled like we were in the Scottish Highlands. The other strangely indulgent thing I did as soon as arriving was to drink from the tap....sometimes it's the simple things.

As exciting as it is being back in London, 2 days here has immediately brought home the shocking realisation that the mighty Aussie dollar isn't going to last too long; and so the job hunt begins. Hopefully before too long I'll get a chance to wear that suit I've been carrying around since day 1 in Bangkok 6 weeks ago.

Dear Diary

...woken up 6am by banging on the door. Turns out a middle aged Japanese guy had taken the overnight train & wanted a dorm room, so they decided to put him in with me...so he turned on the light & decided I was up for a chat! This despite me lying on the bed with my eyes closed.After going to the loo with the door open & aiming at the middle of the bowl, he finally figured out I wanted to sleep so went to bed himself - he'd already claimed fatigue due to the overnight trip from Xi'An on a hard seat.He then began to snore. Loudly. I already had earplugs in but genuinely thought someone was dragging furniture around upstairs until I removed the earplugs & discovered the shocking truth.

With 2 nights ahead of me with this guy & having had only 6 hours sleep, I made the immediate decision to find another hostel. I got up & showered, which amazingly prompted the snoring Japanese guy to assume I wanted another chat - so he woke up & wouldn't shut up. I told him I was going for a walk (at 7am with nothing open), which also surprised the hostel owner as it was raining heavily. It took me an hour to find myself a single room haven from snorers for all of AU$15. I had to tell a white lie to the hostel owners (I'm off to stay in the same hostel as my Danish friends), but they saw straight through me & offered to change rooms. Great idea & they were very nice, but what then would I say to the Japanese guy? I changed rooms because....(suggestions anyone?).

Anyway, problem solved for now; private room, private toilet, which you never know, could come in very handy before too long...

These are a few of my favourite things

Anyone can post a comment now...and I can even read them! Thanks Chai...


"When the food strikes
When the poo flows
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
and then I don't feel soooo bad"

These are pictures of my favourite things. You'll recognise one of these pics...the mighty Lonely Planet. This already well thumbed copy was a stroke of genius from my work colleagues who gave it to me as a leaving gift.This is especially valuable as you can't purchase this particular lonely planet anywhere in China. It's banned; something about a section on Chairman Mao's sexual experimentation phase during the cultural revolution. Anyway, suffice to say I'd be in a bit of bother if I lost it - in fact one of my most horrifying experiences so far (asking for trouble now aren't I...) was the moment I realised I'd left it on the train; fortunately I raced back on in time to retrieve it from the cleaning lady.

The other is my "green bag". Said bag goes with me everywhere - even the places my guide book doesn't go. Out to dinner, out on the booze. Everywhere. Why? Most toilets, public or otherwise, aren't generous enough to supply 3 ply Sorbent toilet paper...or even that 1 ply waxy stuff you had in the school toilets. The other mysterious packet you see before you is a packet of some kind of amazing anti- diarrhoea pills which I purchased at a chemist for about 70 cents, based on some pharmaceutical advice dispensed by a friendly backpacker from Birmingham (with qualifications in pension management I believe). You know what they say - "any port in a storm"...well that's what I said at that point anyway. They work brilliantly though so there they stay, in the green bag.

Sick of poo yet? Well start your own anti-poo blog then.

Clean again

Luckily, Jinan, the "city of Springs", has a local pool...in fact, via a large number of wells, the natural springs in the city provide water for drinking & washing too, so crisis averted - I'm clean! (although I was strangely itchy for some time after) The same cannot be said for the public toilets in town though; mind you, they were better than the one where I'd been staying (previous post).

Here's another pic of some dumplings...believe it or not, I actually made about 20 of these while staying with a family in the outskirts of Jinan. In the same amount of time it took me to make those 20 however, the ladies who were 'training' me managed to knock up 2 full trays. I was then expected to eat about 30 of them, which I duly attempted to do in order to be polite, but there wasn't anything too polite about the aftermath; damn - there we go again...it seems at the moment, all blog roads lead to the toilet. Maybe this diary should be renamed my 'bog'.

p.s for those of you that haven't noticed, I added a link to google maps on the right - no, the other right. I think it works, but I can't check coz although I can post my propaganda on blogger.com, I can't actually view the blog itself...*.blogspot.com is blocked in China.

The worst toilet in the world

4 people, 1 toilet, 2 days with no running water. I'll spare you the picture.
There are some strong candidates for this title in China, but I've certainly seen the winner for this week. Sorry - short post...I really have to get out of here...now.

Hiding Food

You know when milk has been sitting in the fridge for about a month too long, then you attempt to pour it into a cup of tea? Take a look at this pic...you'd think I'd had a decent crack at it and given up wouldn't you....well I didn't. To be honest, I can't actually remember ever having to hide food as a kid (thanks Mum), but I was forced to do it when staying in one of the Ger (first pic) camps in Mongolia.
It's a bit tricky when your host family go out of their way to present you with what they regard as one of their culinary highlights & stand there waiting for you to try it, while you sit there desperately thinking of an escape plan. Thankfully, after I'd duly consumed a mouthful of something which resembled the aforementioned milk, the lady of the house left me to finish it in peace. This gave me a few minutes to figure out how I could get rid of the stuff before she returned. After a few minutes of panic, my mind seized on a scene from that brilliant film "The Great Escape". The Stalag Luft III world war 2 prisoners, in order to hide the dirt dug from their escape tunnels, cunningly hide the dirt in their trousers & gradually release it around the exercise yard by letting it fall down their legs. My moment of inspiration was however crushed fairly quickly when I thought about a couple of fundamental flaws in this plan : 1) Something the consistency of porridge doesn't cascade down one's legs quite as freely as dirt; and 2) I was wearing shorts - the telltale sludgy residue on my thighs may give the game away.
Fortunately, plan B eventuated..quickly consuming the contents of a pineapple juice container I'd bought the day before, I was able to fill it with enough of the 'glue" to present the impression that I'd actually enjoyed the meal, but couldn't quite finish. I then took the container to the toilet pit (quite an experience in itself) & disposed of the contents (making sure I kept the container for the several meals I had to look forward to). This worked brilliantly, however it seems I was so convincing in my ruse that I was served similar delightful meals for the next 2 days.

After 3 days with the runs in China, the heat and humidity for the entire trip, all the hiking and barely eating at the Ger camp, my clothes are a little loose...oh yeah, the 10k walk on the great wall yesterday in 30 degrees probably cost me a few kilos too.