A time and a place for everything

"Is that somebody's lunch?" she said, but little did she know,
that quietly, stealthily, at the back of the lift,
my mate had let one go.

He gave me a nudge & when I saw him smirk,
I knew what was in store.
If it hadn't been so crowded I would've lain down on the floor.

Like dominoes falling, the awareness spreads,
but noone says a word.
On the way to level 1, but we're only on the 23rd.

So why'd he do it? Why indeed?
But the answer I already knew..
If I'd done that with such effect, I'd feel quite proud too.

We live in a world of terrorists, tearing the world apart,
but detectors or a body search will never find a fart;
and at that moment, in that lift, when Kev launched his attack,
I was absolutely certain, it was worse than sarin gas.

So as we hit the bottom floor, and everyone poured out,
Kev stayed back for a second more & then when he came out,
I told him "mate - that was wrong, there were a dozen people inside".
But in reply, in a trance like state, he said "yeah - that was quite a ride"

Then I knew, that it was I who was wrong,
and it's not that he didn't care.
quite the opposite, and as Mallory said :
He did it because it was there.

Would you like fries with your coke?

Notting Hill Carnival. We went on 'family day'...well put it this way; It wasn't quite the old food 'n wine frolic with picnic rugs and kids eating ice cream that family day would normally mean. The 3 or 4 actual families there with kids were suffering badly. It was heaving with 'families' who like to party. And believe it or not, there weren't hot dog sellers wandering through the crowd shouting "pies, hotdogs, sausage rolls" but there were blokes wandering through, not quite shouting, "charlie, pills, speed"...you think I'm kidding. Anyway, we settled for half a dozen red stripe & left the meal deals for the families. Looks like the kid in the pic spent all her pocket money in one go. Sorry 'bout the lack of posts; I've been very busy..new job ya know working for www.simpplydna.com in Battersea. Off to Spain on Thursday to spend the pounds I haven't actually got yet. Tash will already be there (she leaves on Tuesday), which means I get to move flats on Wednesday night. Yep - having been fortunate enough to flat sit for the last month, we've manage to rent a nice 1 bed flat in Putney for a deposit and month's rent of a billion pounds. I tried to increase the limit on my credit card but they refused for a couple of insane reasons : 1) "going to spain" isn't a good enough reason; 2) There's no evidence of any money going into my account. I don't know, I thought banks loved handing out credit; obviously not that much.

I like google maps. Can you tell? I even have them on my phone which is particularly useful given the ground I have to cover on foot due to the underground strike at the moment. I refuse to put facebook on my phone though; it's getting out of hand.

A taste of home

Ah the Minogues; they've really blossomed since leaving Australia. I know many of you would like to see what's on page 3, but I've deemed it a bit too rude. I'm sure google will find her for you though - try searching on "Dannii Minogue nude breasts xxx porn". That should do it.

An update on activities since last post (which was some time ago now; my apologies) :

• If today's weather is anything to go by, summer appears to be over. That's ok - I don't feel quite so bad about still being injured (previous post).


• Notting Hill carnival this weekend - biggest street festival in Europe apparently. That should sort out my ankle nicely.
  


• Saw the World Press Photo exhibition at Royal Festival Hall yesterday. Brilliant.
  


• Just heading off to the pub to watch England v Germany. It's only a friendly though, so I'm sure there'll only be a moderate amount of violence.
  

London!

We're back in London!..Beijing was great fun, but when we arrived at Heathrow to blue skies & could see further than 500m, Beijing's pollution problems really struck home. Even the air being pushed down the platform by the oncoming train at Holborn station smelled like we were in the Scottish Highlands. The other strangely indulgent thing I did as soon as arriving was to drink from the tap....sometimes it's the simple things.

As exciting as it is being back in London, 2 days here has immediately brought home the shocking realisation that the mighty Aussie dollar isn't going to last too long; and so the job hunt begins. Hopefully before too long I'll get a chance to wear that suit I've been carrying around since day 1 in Bangkok 6 weeks ago.

Dear Diary

...woken up 6am by banging on the door. Turns out a middle aged Japanese guy had taken the overnight train & wanted a dorm room, so they decided to put him in with me...so he turned on the light & decided I was up for a chat! This despite me lying on the bed with my eyes closed.After going to the loo with the door open & aiming at the middle of the bowl, he finally figured out I wanted to sleep so went to bed himself - he'd already claimed fatigue due to the overnight trip from Xi'An on a hard seat.He then began to snore. Loudly. I already had earplugs in but genuinely thought someone was dragging furniture around upstairs until I removed the earplugs & discovered the shocking truth.

With 2 nights ahead of me with this guy & having had only 6 hours sleep, I made the immediate decision to find another hostel. I got up & showered, which amazingly prompted the snoring Japanese guy to assume I wanted another chat - so he woke up & wouldn't shut up. I told him I was going for a walk (at 7am with nothing open), which also surprised the hostel owner as it was raining heavily. It took me an hour to find myself a single room haven from snorers for all of AU$15. I had to tell a white lie to the hostel owners (I'm off to stay in the same hostel as my Danish friends), but they saw straight through me & offered to change rooms. Great idea & they were very nice, but what then would I say to the Japanese guy? I changed rooms because....(suggestions anyone?).

Anyway, problem solved for now; private room, private toilet, which you never know, could come in very handy before too long...

These are a few of my favourite things

Anyone can post a comment now...and I can even read them! Thanks Chai...


"When the food strikes
When the poo flows
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
and then I don't feel soooo bad"

These are pictures of my favourite things. You'll recognise one of these pics...the mighty Lonely Planet. This already well thumbed copy was a stroke of genius from my work colleagues who gave it to me as a leaving gift.This is especially valuable as you can't purchase this particular lonely planet anywhere in China. It's banned; something about a section on Chairman Mao's sexual experimentation phase during the cultural revolution. Anyway, suffice to say I'd be in a bit of bother if I lost it - in fact one of my most horrifying experiences so far (asking for trouble now aren't I...) was the moment I realised I'd left it on the train; fortunately I raced back on in time to retrieve it from the cleaning lady.

The other is my "green bag". Said bag goes with me everywhere - even the places my guide book doesn't go. Out to dinner, out on the booze. Everywhere. Why? Most toilets, public or otherwise, aren't generous enough to supply 3 ply Sorbent toilet paper...or even that 1 ply waxy stuff you had in the school toilets. The other mysterious packet you see before you is a packet of some kind of amazing anti- diarrhoea pills which I purchased at a chemist for about 70 cents, based on some pharmaceutical advice dispensed by a friendly backpacker from Birmingham (with qualifications in pension management I believe). You know what they say - "any port in a storm"...well that's what I said at that point anyway. They work brilliantly though so there they stay, in the green bag.

Sick of poo yet? Well start your own anti-poo blog then.

Clean again

Luckily, Jinan, the "city of Springs", has a local pool...in fact, via a large number of wells, the natural springs in the city provide water for drinking & washing too, so crisis averted - I'm clean! (although I was strangely itchy for some time after) The same cannot be said for the public toilets in town though; mind you, they were better than the one where I'd been staying (previous post).

Here's another pic of some dumplings...believe it or not, I actually made about 20 of these while staying with a family in the outskirts of Jinan. In the same amount of time it took me to make those 20 however, the ladies who were 'training' me managed to knock up 2 full trays. I was then expected to eat about 30 of them, which I duly attempted to do in order to be polite, but there wasn't anything too polite about the aftermath; damn - there we go again...it seems at the moment, all blog roads lead to the toilet. Maybe this diary should be renamed my 'bog'.

p.s for those of you that haven't noticed, I added a link to google maps on the right - no, the other right. I think it works, but I can't check coz although I can post my propaganda on blogger.com, I can't actually view the blog itself...*.blogspot.com is blocked in China.